Friends are Fucked

I am just angry, angry, angry at so much right now. My lack of meaningful relationships is really bothersome. It can be primarily attributed to my intense dislike of the main facets of my current friends' personalities. But it also seems to me as if the primary dysfunction is that everyone is so fucking self-centered. Am I being a bitch? I just can't help but think about this, like constantly. I really would like some sort of companionship, but everyone gets on my fucking nerves. EVERYONE. EVERYONE. I would tick off a list of everything I hate about the people in my life, right now, pros and cons. I really do think I am going to do that. Maybe it will make me appreciate them more. Of course, the real names are not used. That way, no one will come across this in the future and either get their feelings hurt or curse me out. Also, it will be astronomically easier to talk about them with these aliases, as if I'm not really talking about them.

Polia. Wow. There are no words to describe how many times this person has hurt my feelings by reminding me that I'm "not really that type of friend." Although I have known this person for over 15 years now, this person only calls me when they want my honest opinion about her stupid man problems, or the problems she has with her "real friends," or when she has no one else to hang out with. This person never invites me out to events with other frineds, although I know these friends, and we live in the same city, and work nearly two blocks from each other. This person is irresponsible with her money and takes advantage of me and then makes me feel bad for asking for it back later on. This person also feels as if I am constantly implying she's not a good friend, when I intentionally go out of my way TO NOT do that, for the very reason that I told her how I felt seven or eight years ago and she basically chewed it up and told me that "that was just how our friendship was." I wish I could cut Polia off completely, but that's impossible because of my general lack of friends in Washington, DC. In other words, when I actually do want the company of others, I am forced to call her. I guess that is one of the things I DO like about her. She is, in fact, fun to hang out with. But the way that I feel about her lack of respect for our friendship is beginning to eat me apart. So I am slowly working on cutting her off. And I recently found out that she has befriended my ex boyfriend completely behind my back, taking advantage of his own loneliness in the process. He doesn't understand that she's just a fucking self centered ass bitch that needs to soak up his sympathy and advice. Ok, I've made the decision to cut her ass off. That's it. There is way too much negative energy being emanated from me right now, but I feel as if this person's presence in my life creates some of that energy. If it makes me feel this way, there is no need to continue to fuck wtih Polia. FUCK IT!!

Ok, I don't know what that just was. I'm so done. I need to get back to work.